Help! My child is being bullied

[Letter to the editor]

Thabazimbi – I have cried myself to sleep for many nights because of bullies. My daughter (Grade 7) is constantly being bullied by boys and girls at school (in Thabazimbi).

She already got into fights, when trying to stand up for herself.

In the latest incident on Tuesday 18 October 2022, she was verbally abused and some of her belongings were taken from her desk just for some fun and laughs. They often call her names. She started acting out and getting into trouble. Maybe she is starting to believe that she is the bad person they make her out to be. 

I know this is not who she is. It is not how I raised her. She is raised in a home where we show care and respect towards each other and where we share how we feel and encourage each other. I want to protect her, but I am starting to feel helpless.

All I want is for my child to get a proper education, have a healthy social life and feel loved. I am pleading with parents to ask their children to be better than this. Ask them to stand up for children being bullied and to have empathy for children being bullied. Let’s stop this cycle of abuse.

Mother at wits’ end 

After reading this heart-wrenching letter, Platinum Bushvelder reached out to SAVF Thabazimbi social worker Daleen Delport for advice on how to help your child when they are being bullied.

“Bullying can be physical, cyber, verbal, sexual or emotional. A school bully is usually one or more perpetrators who have (or think they have) greater physical or social power than their victims,” Delport explains. 

Delport shared valuable information. Being bullied is very difficult for anyone to deal with, but especially for children. Bullies often have a low self-esteem and bring others down to feel more superior. 

Kids don’t always tell you that they are being bullied so as a parent you will have to look out for the signs. When a child starts to withdraw or doesn’t want to go to school, try to find out why they feel that way.

Ask them about their friends and the people they don’t get along with at school and listen attentively. They need to know that you are there to support them.

Delport warned that because of bullying, victims might feel depressed, anxious, angry, stressed, helpless, out of control and they might experience a drop in their marks. Every year, there are suicides which can be linked directly to bullying at schools. 

If your child is being bullied, it is important to explain to them that it is not their fault and that they are loved. When the bullying is happening at school, take it up with the school and follow up to see if anything is being done.

Parents also need to educate themselves about different tactics that their child can use against bullies. These include making a list of responses that your child can use that are simple and direct but not antagonistic to aggravate the situation. You can even disarm the bully with humor or by projecting confidence.

You can build your child’s confidence by praising their progress and by helping them to realize their self-worth. 

Delport urges children to speak up: “There is help! Talk to your parents or a teacher about what you are experiencing. Speaking up does not mean you are weak; it means that that you are taking a stand to make it stop. You do not have to carry all of these emotions on your own.” 

Remember that you are loved, and you are needed by this world, more than you would ever understand.

Thabazimbi Karate Club sensei Thabang Maboke volunteered to assist victims of bullies using physical force, with a free self-defense class to help build their confidence, focus and self-esteem. 
For more information contact Maboke on 083 314 4050.

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